KUNGFU AVATAR

A nerd making an excursion into a futuristic looking laboratory, suddenly gets bitten by a genetically modified (spider), or may be a radioactive (spider) or by a god-knows-what but certainly a spider. Suddenly he discovers himself in a new muscled avatar and he can perform all the adventure of a spider with splendor and grace. This was a transformation of an ordinary high school goer Peter Parker to a superhero Spiderman. But the story on hand is even freakish, coz the protagonist here is already a superhero unlike Superman, Batman, our desi Shaktiman who are shown to be ordinary citizen before the transformation takes place. The hero (better known as Bumchuk) we are talking about is a mix of a nerd, a sexually hyper-active, sensitive and 9 to 5 white-collar-job guy whom we call Bond. (This is most permanent of the names I assure) hey you! What’s that sarcastic smile for. Our hero has got all the attributes of the original James Bond ( except for the sleekness :( Sadly our Bond’s gone weirdly out of shape). Only Jesus knows whether it was Komodo’s lick, Crested Cuckatoo’s bite, Sting Ray’s sting or Grizzly Bear’s assault that has metamorphed Bond to a whole new avatar of Kung Fu Pande. Read it once again. It’s not Panda but Pande, Rightfully created to give our superhero a desi flavor. Unfathomable is the persona and indescribable are the heroics of our superhero. Here’s the excerpt of the New Testament (Kungfu Pande’s Testament) made public so that you know do's and don’ts with while dealing with Kungfu Pande. Do you know our hero is such adept at some of the martial arts act that when he kicks any villain it can be seen from the moon..!! Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost…couple of things to be observed while reading, first…brackets are to be read. Second ..Kung FU Pande will be referred as KFP.OK
•There are no races, only countries of people KFP has beaten to different shades of black n blue.
•A KFP delivered kick is the preferred method of execution in 20 countries.
•When KFP falls in water, KFP doesn’t get wet. Water gets KFP.
•KFP’s house has no doors, only walls he walks through.
•When KFP has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
•KFP can divide by zero.
•Grass is always greener on the other side, unless KFP has been there.
•Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a KFP kick.
•While urinating, KFP is easily capable of welding titanium.
•When KFP talks, everybody listens. And dies.
•For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For KFP, each testicle is larger than the other one.
•Thousands of years ago KFP came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
•If you want to a list of KFP’s list of enemies, just check the list of extinct species list.
•KFP has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
•If Superman and Batman were to race to the edge of the space , you know who would win. KFP.
•KFP only masturbates to the picture of KFP.
•If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beat paper, what beats all three.KFP
•KFP once walked down the street with a massive penile erection. There were no survivors.
•There are no disabled people. Only people who have met KFP.
•KFP once bet NASA he could space re-entry without spacesuit. He did that successfully reaching temperature of 3000c, and NASA claimed it was a meteor.
•KFP scored 100% in GATE by writing KFP for every answer.
•One time at war with KING KONG, accidentally KFP lost his left testicle. You might be familiar to it by the name of Jupiter.
•KFP doesn’t spell check. If he misspells a word, Oxford accepts it and changes the actual spelling
•Scientists in Washington have conceded that if there is a nuclear war. All that would remain are cockroaches and KFP.
•KFP never gets laid, rather laid gets KFP.
•Hellen Keller’s favorite color is KFP.
•KFP once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
•Thousands of years ago KFP came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled North into Arctic . it was also so terrified that all of its descendents have white hair.
•They once tried to carve KFP’s face in Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn’t hard enough for his beard.
•KungFu Pande is the password to the Pentagon’s top secret.
•KFP is currently suing Supreme Court, claiming that Law and Order are names for his left and right leg.
•The Great Wall Of China was originally constructed to keep KFP out. It failed miserably.
•When observing a KFP ‘kick in the face’ in slow motion, one actually finds he first rapes the victim, then smokes a cigarette with SRK and then kicks victim in the face.
•USA was once bordering India, until KFP kicked it to its present postion all the way through the earth.
•If you have 5 rupees and KFP has 5 rupees. KFP has more money than you.
•When KFP had surgery, anesthesia was given to doctors.
•KFP broke the world speed record on a bicycle that was missing chain and had no tyres.
•Shakti Kapoor was arrested for masturbating in public. The same day KFP got an award for masturbating in public.
•If KFP is late, time you better slow down.
•KFP sleeps with a night bulb on. Not because he fears dark, but dark fears KFP.
•KFP always has sex on first date.
•A handicap parking sign doesn’t signify that this spot is for handicaps. In fact it’s a warning that the spot belongs to KFP and you will be handicapped if you park here.
•KFP donates his blood often to the Red Cross. But never his blood.
•KFP doesn’t shave; he kicks in the face. The only thing that can cut KFP’s hair is KFP.
•In the beginning there was nothing. Then KFP kicked the air and Universe was created. Scientists call it Big Bang.
•KFP has 12 moons. One of them is Earth.
•KFP grinds his coffee with the teeth and boils the water with his rage.
•Archaeologists unearthed an old dictionary dating back to 1200 ad. it defined ‘victim’ as one who encountered KFP.
•If you google ‘KFP getting ass kicked’ you will generate zero results. it just doesn’t happen.
•Bermuda triangle was actually a Bermuda square until KFP kicked one of its squares off.
•When KFP is in a crowded place, he doesn’t walk around people, he walks through them.
•KFP counted to infinity. Twice.
•KFP has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
•In fine print on the last page of Guinness World record . it notes that all the world records are held by KFP, and those listed in the book are simply those who has gotten closest.
•The chief export of KFP is pain.
•KFP knows pi (22/7) up to the last decimal.

All these facts are not original but inspired