SPITSVILLA

Picture perfect. You are witnessing some breathtaking views of lush green sunflower fields, of blossomed Gulmohar groves, of children waving at you. You are fortunate to have that window-seat. The gentle breeze caressing your face and quenching every thirst in you. Then you feel a spray of water on your face titillating your senses. That simply adds divinity to the whole scene and suddenly you realize that this spray was a shower of spit from the adjoining compartment. Yukk! I know and you know that Jug Suraiya has already written on it. But I believe reams and books can be written on this favorite Indian past-time ‘spitting’. Yak-Thoo! And it’s over. So simple. An Indian can literally spit anywhere, anytime, and any number of times. After a hectic day of work, you leap towards your brand new Skoda Fabia. As soon as you approach the car you see a graphic laden with saliva, betel-nuts, and germs, embellished on your car. All for free. Sometimes you can find your bed sheet, drying in the balcony, dyed with red colored ellipses and exclamation marks. This also for free.
There can be many number of reasons for this obsession. I sense our ancestors; Aryans, had some serious chest and bronchial infection. The virus responsible for it must have been so stubborn that it permanently found its residence in Indian genes. So, generation after generations it is still part of our genetic constitution. This is yet another great example of our Indian hospitality towards invaders and intruders. This can be the reason for perennial coughing and spitting. Yaak-Thoo and infections bye bye.
An another reason could be our neighbor-love. Bhutanese have this tradition of revering yaks no less than deities. So, may be Yaak-Thoo was an ancient mantra to seek yak’s blessing. And Indians being religious, god-fearing and neighbor-loving in nature adopted it.
These medical and cultural ramifications aside, there is something higher and transcendental about it. Indians just grow impatient and disconcerted if they don’t manage to spit for a while. Surely there is some orgasmic pleasure related with spitting. This can even be verified. They say women are devoid of pleasure of orgasm. A sex survey reveals only 18%women experience orgasm in their lifetime. Justifiably, the women Yaak-Thooing is also low. So, for some of our men ‘only spit bujhaye pyaas, baaki sab bakwaas’.
There is also a variant to spitting known as ‘pichook’, and it comes with artistic inclinations. Its proponents are gutkha or pan-chewing Indians who consider it their right to decorate the walls, streets, buildings and specially-specially the ‘corners’. Be it a corner in the bathroom or lift or parking, we find the evidence of this desi-deco. Like a dog’s affinity to a pole, is the affinity of ‘pichookers’ to corners. We are proud inheritors of some of the finest artistic legacies in the world. That’s why we can see Sarkari buildings adorned with red colored art everywhere. I think the Indians are so nostalgic about the British Raj and their red-stone architecture that they try and change the yellow colored Sarkari buildings to red. Hum honge qamyaab ek din.
Sadly, if there is something Indians follow , it becomes impossible to make them not to do it. Public awareness campaigns, billboards, documentaries don’t have an effect on them. As if ‘ Yaak-Thoo chahe koi mujhe junglee kahe’. We won’t give up spitting and will find time and place to do it by ‘hook or thook’ errr.. I mean ‘hook or crook’..